big Brothers, birthdays, and the thing that unites us all
It was March 31, 2002, and I was vibrating with excitement for the next day – my ninth birthday.
I remember lying in bed and anticipating the joy I’d feel at the sight and smell of my birthday cake, glittery tissue paper in obnoxiously pink gift bags, and of course, the fact that my brothers would have to be in second place for the whole day. Aliveness, exuberance, and hopefulness consumed me, and I would spend the rest of my life chasing that feeling.
When you’re little, your age is this magical number representing your growth, experience level, and relative place in the world. With every additional candle on the annual cakes, you bask in the glow and make a wish for the year to come. When you’re young, you see your life through a lens of forward trajectories, dreams coming into focus, hopes for the future and a fresh (albeit naïve) approach to all that lies before you. You watch the adults and “big kids” around you in awe, willing yourself to grow an inch taller or a day older so you can be all that much closer to living out the fantastically fun and important experiences you perceive in their lives. I was obsessed with hearing about my older siblings’ escapades to live vicariously through them. At least for me, my eyes were, and probably still are, trained solely on the milestones that lay before me, offering validation to my personhood with every accomplishment.
As I got older, I found that my experiences started to outweigh my numerical age and started to provide more context to the milestones I had always valued and prioritized. My perspective began to shift as I entered my twenties. I started to mark time by the seasons of my life: new motherhood, new marriage, building what I now consider to be my “first career”, divorce, singlehood, transition. These major life events and processes started to etch away at the surface and over time, began to define the way I sorted my memories and developed my sense of purpose for the future. In motherhood, I found joy, the magic of self-discipline, deep sorrow, and unescapable hope. Through the forging and dismantling of relationships, I found much of the same, and added the understanding and respect for my own needs and boundaries. After building and losing a career in real estate (thanks, COVID), I have found within myself a resilience and willingness to do the hard things to bring about the good. In seasons of transition, arguably the hardest for me, I have learned the importance of trusting the process, loving yourself through the hard times, and how to maintain optimism and confidence in the face of adversity. As I was rounding the final lap of my 20’s, I had started to feel more comfortable in my own skin and felt secure in my place in the world. I had decided that my legacy would be built within the walls of my own home, and the seeds I was silently planting in my children would bring forth the fruit I hoped to see in the world.
Then, 30.
Talk about magical numbers!
Something shifted when this age collided with me. Toward the end of my twenties, while settling into family life and my new career, the “age number” started to fade from my consciousness, and my actual age rarely crossed my mind. I felt squarely planted in my adulthood by March 31, 2023. At 29 years, 364 days old, I felt confident that my legacy had been decided and solidified.
But when I woke up the next morning, I was acutely aware of exactly where I was in the imaginary timeline of my life. Suddenly, a flame that quietly burned within me erupted into a roaring blaze, and pursuing my life’s purpose became the unavoidable mountain that now sat squarely in front of me. For thirty years I had my head down, solely committed to my own life and unit, but the morning of April 1, 2023, my 30th birthday, I opened my eyes to a new vision and a new understanding of the meaning of my time on this planet. I was called, rather yanked, toward the reasons why my life, or any of ours for that matter, is worth living.
I have read countless books and listened to innumerable talks on purpose, leadership, relationships, and the meaning of life, but in a single instant, the puzzle fit together for me. My purpose is to celebrate, educate, and advocate for others to find theirs.
That is why I am here. I know that in my bones.
I am honored to have found myself in a professional position that encourages my commitment to activism and celebrates my passion for connecting with others. It has inspired me to dream bigger, speak louder, and exercise my insatiable curiosity. Mostly, it has provided me with a vehicle to advocate for the ones who can’t do so for themselves and a unique toolbelt to be able to make a real difference.
Recently, I sat with a remarkable client for a Legacy Interview, and something he said has been echoing in my heart ever since. In his faith and culture, it is believed that to save or help one person, it is the same as saving the world. Sometimes, folks like me who feel like they’re running out of time to complete their mission need a reminder that change is made in raindrops, not oceans.
A life marked with days full of love and service outweighs the glorious, bright moments of explosive action or achievement. A legacy is built in a lifetime, not in a moment.
All of this to say: whether you are dutifully fulfilling your responsibilities, taking care of others, charging on the front lines of protests, or quietly serving your community in all the thankless ways, what you do and how you spend this life matters.
Whether this haunts you or inspires you, it is an evergreen truth we all must face. I believe the conversations surrounding the “meaning of life” are often ironically vapid and riddled with clichés, but taking on the often uncomfortable process of finding the meaning of our own lives is a duty bestowed upon us all. My definition of legacy is exactly that: a reflection of meaning and purpose of the life of an individual. Capturing that legacy is a huge part of why I love what we do here, because it’s literally writing the history of the lives that make up our world. We get to join the ranks of historians and writers throughout all of time, capturing the no-less-important impacts of those not in a position of fame or prestige, documenting and celebrating all those raindrops of change in a broken and desperate world.
It gives me a front-row seat to the stories of the way-finders, light-makers, healers, warriors, teachers, innovators, and lovers who make up the fabric of our society and gives me hope for humanity. To hear stories of triumph and loss, and the resilience of the human spirit gives me courage and makes me feel intimately connected to my community. It fills me with the same child-like wonder Little Me felt hanging on every word of her older (and very cool) siblings and allowing my mind to cartwheel through imagination of our telepathically shared experience. I have heard enough of our clients’ incredible stories for me to conclude that every single person has something unique and precious to offer the world. The question for us then becomes whether we will give it. And if we do give it, how do we make it count? How do we ensure that our work is not in vain, whether it is a lifetime of labor to create generational wealth, of generosity, of anonymous kindness, of activism, or love? We make sure that we leave the ones that come after us with a road map to get farther ahead than we ever could.
Creating an estate plan is the most practical and effective way to capture and preserve your legacy. With no guarantees for the duration of our time on this earth, I urge you to look past the nuts and bolts of documents and bank statements, and the fear of tough conversations, and think about what truly matters to you. What is it? Who is it? Are you aligned with your purpose, whatever that may be? And if you are, how will you tell your story?
Little 9-year-old me would be delighted to hear it.
Love,
Kalyn
To schedule a call with our team to discuss next steps on capturing your legacy for your world to see, click the link below and book a time that is convenient for you.